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The Bastard Tech From Hell
20 most recent entries

Date:2018-09-25 00:30
Subject:Friends Only

This LJ is now Friends Only. If you want access, ask on this post.

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Date:2009-06-25 18:23

Since nobody commented on it so far...

Michael Jackson's dead.

No opinion. Just throwing it out there.

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Date:2009-06-24 00:51
Subject:Part Three

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Date:2009-06-15 01:40
Subject:Part 2

Part 2 of the story is below.

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Date:2009-06-14 03:58

The following is a very rough first draft of the origin story for a comic book character I have been working on for the last six months. I'm putting it up here for your critique. Comments are welcome, but if you get too negative I'll be forced to crack you across the gob.

Before reading: BE WARNED! This is material which deals with adult matter. Adult themes and language are used. It's also a dive into a very real and very dark side of my psyche. If you read this you may think badly of me.

If you've gotten through that and still care to read on, click the cut.

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Date:2009-06-04 12:00
Subject:Update: Nobody gives a shit about Bigfoot

I know I haven't posted much of substance recently. Here's a quick rundown on what's been going on:

1. Just after my 5 year anniversary with the company they moved my office to Riverview. It's about 10 miles and an extra 15-30 minutes (depending on traffic) out of my way. They gave me all these wonderful tasks and a new title. I now get to do all of this for a raise of zippity-fucking-doodah. Half the people that got volunteered into this went and complained about the move, myself included. We were told that if we didn't like it we could either quit or apply for a different position, but they would prefer if we just sat there, shut up, and took on all this extra work that should pay us about $8K over what we make now.

2. I got some major dental work done. I certainly feel better and look sharp.

3. I'm getting ready to cut my hair. I've been growing it out to donate to Pantene Beautiful Lengths, and it's just about at that point where it's long enough.

4. I've been having some really weird dreams as of late. The two most strange that I remember have been in the last week. The first involved my dentist telling me that they were going to have to amputate my right leg at the knee as part of the dental procedure. The second involved a friend of mine being murdered by someone who was riding on the back of his motorcycle; she had caused them to wreck and she injected him with a slow acting poison so he died at the hospital while he was making a recovery.

That's pretty much been it. That and the stockpiling of weapons, ammo, and canned foods.

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Date:2009-05-15 11:12
Subject:Moron Spaniard Dies in Chimney

A Spanish burglar has died inside a chimney after becoming stuck during a break-in attempt.

The body of the 30-year-old man, identified by police as Ricardo CG, was discovered by the owner of the home in the town of Moron de la Frontera on Tuesday.

His hand and forearm could be seen sticking out the top of the chimney, local media reported.

It is not known how long the man was wedged inside the chimney before he died, but his mother had reported him missing last week and his body had already started to decompose.

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Date:2009-05-14 12:56

Nancy Pelosi out as Speaker of the House by the end of June. Possibly sooner. Steny Hoyer to take over.

Don't ask how I know. I just know.

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Date:2009-05-12 11:51
Subject:787 Billion Don't Buy Much These Days

I've not got much to say. The numbers speak for themselves.

This graph shows the White House's expected unemployment with and without the "stimulus package." The red triangles show actual unemployment figures for March and April.

h/t geoff and the morons over at AoSHQ

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Date:2009-04-09 18:28

Am I An Alcoholic?

For a long time now, I’ve been meaning to take one of those alcoholic screening tests, if for no other reason than to determine whether I am a bona fide alcoholic or just a fun-loving boozer who has it under control.

I guess the reason I never got around to taking the quiz is because I’m a little scared of what I might learn, and also because I’m usually too hungover to concentrate on exams. Today, however, I finally decided to take the test. After a little research, I chose the John Hopkins University Hospital Alcohol Screening Quiz. The quiz asked a series of yes-or-no questions. Before proceeding, I made a pact to answer them honestly and completely. Here are the results:

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Date:2009-03-30 19:36
Subject:Pelosi vs. the Cardinal

I've been avoiding politics, but this is too good to pass up:

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic Cathedral.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views." Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation -- "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.

Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed.

She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."

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Date:2009-02-17 18:48

A belated Valentine's Day movie.

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Date:2009-02-13 16:32
Subject:Holy Rant, Batman!
Mood: infuriated

I didn't want to do this. I wanted to start blogging silly things. Fucking Congress. Fucking Obama. Fucking government!

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - Inigo Montoya

Obama kept saying that they needed bi-partisan support for the "stimulus" bill that just passed. Bi-partisanship doesn't consist of one party blindly signing off on whatever the hell is put in front of them and it sure as shit isn't locking one party out of meetings.

"It's bullshit, folks. It's all bullshit and it's bad for you." - George Carlin

Obama and the Dems keeps on saying that they're going to save of create X number of jobs. The other day it was 4 million. Today Robert Gibbs said 3.5 million. This sounds like a good thing, but the phrase is total and complete bullshit. If Obama said he would create 4 million jobs he could be held accountable. How, on the other hand, could he be held accountable for not "saving" those jobs unless total national employment drops below 4 million? He knows it's a bullshit phrase and he continues to use it because he thinks we're morons who can't see through the smokescreen.

You better make your face up,
In your favorite disguise,
With your button-down lips,
And your roller blind eyes.
With your empty smile,
And your hungry heart,
Feel the bile rising,
From your guilty past.
With your nerves in tatters,
As the cockleshell shatters,
And the hammers batter,
Down your door,
You better run.

- Pink Floyd, Run Like Hell

So Nanny Granny McBotox has to go on a trip to Rome and wanted the House to vote on the spendulus bill today. That would be fine, except she promised that they would have the entire 1,071 pages online for 48 hours so anybody could read it before the vote. They posted it at 11PM last night and called for the vote at 9AM, 38 hours before they said they would. This is just a continuation of lies Pelosi has started since this whole thing came about. First she promised no pork spending in the bill on national TV. She then said that without this 500,000,000 Americans will lose their jobs every month, which means that every single person in this country regardless of age would have to lose 1.6 jobs a month. That's a seriously shitty economy.

I'm hungry. Let's get a taco." - Mr. White
And one last niggling thing, "Change We Can Believe In" is incorrect. It should have been, "Change In Which We Can Believe." So much for ol' jugears' command of the English language.

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Date:2009-02-11 19:53
Subject:Yeah, about that phone issue...

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Date:2009-02-10 14:16
Subject:Varmint, I'm a-gonna b-b-b-bloooow yah t'smithereenies!

Well, I just filed my taxes. Getting $800 back. EXTREMELY angry. I thought I had planned better.

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Date:2009-02-06 17:11

These things always come to me too late.

Posting here so I don't forget.

For Halloween this year I need a nun's habit and some black boxing gloves.

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Date:2009-02-05 20:44

When I'm not too busy being a baby-stomping woman-hating minority-kicking right wing nutjob I like... art?

Sometimes. But I'm not going to be in a gallery sipping a non-fat chai mocha half-assed latte. Not me. I'll look upon the works of DaVinci with a Bud Light and a big ol' hunk of Jack Link's teriyaki beef jerky in my craw.


I used to think the whole Andre the Giant has a Posse thing was neat-o. After reading this I'm now in the mood dig up the bones of Dwight D. Eisenhower and beat Shepard Fairey (how apt, that name) to death with Ike's femur.

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Date:2009-01-28 12:34
Subject:It is NOT a Plunger

Cracked's Top 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons

I rather enjoyed it until they made fun of the Daleks.

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Date:2009-01-27 11:43

Fight! Fight! Fight!

The Obama White House on Monday backed away from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s support for increased federal funding of contraception in the $825-billion stimulus bill now under consideration by Congress.

That was not President Obama’s idea, a White House spokesman told CNSNews.com.

“The principles of what he thought should be in the package – that wasn’t part of that,” White House deputy press secretary Bill Burton told CNSNews.com. “

Hopefully he sticks to his guns. Shoot down Granny RictusMcBotoxImplants!

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Date:2009-01-23 12:53
Subject:So There

Captain Ed sums it up best:

" People have asked me since the election how I will approach the Obama presidency, but it’s really not that much of a mystery. I’m not going to be rooting for his failure, because I’m rooting for America. I believe most people feel the same way; Obama won the election and for better or worse, he’s our president. But that doesn’t mean that any of us will sit quietly for the next four years or the next four days.

The campaign is over, and now Obama has to govern, which means he has to start backing policies and initiatives that will reveal himself and his direction very clearly. If Obama really wants to succeed in restoring the economy and creating jobs, he’ll have to find ways to motivate capital back into action — which will mean keeping taxes low, especially on capital-gains rates, and cutting government intervention. Policies which confiscate capital will make the situation worse, and I will point that out as often and as vociferously as possible.

On foreign policy, we need strength, deterrence, and tenacity in dealing with enemies. Allies who don’t support that won’t be worth much as allies, and multinational organizations more intent on anti-Americanism and anti-Semitism are a waste of time. Expect me to loudly criticize the Obama administration for following useless policies designed to increase the Kumbaya factor at the expense of our national security.

Campaign issues, like Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, and so on, no longer matter. Obama won the election. In four years, he’ll run for re-election, and what will matter will be the things Obama did between now and then. When Obama does something right, I’ll praise it, but I’ll speak up when policies go bad and mistakes are made. That’s part of being an American.

Best of luck, President Obama. My prayers are with you, for support and wisdom as you assume the burden of this office and lead our country. When you fail to provide that leadership or demonstrate wisdom, though, don’t expect me to be silent. I’m rooting for America, not the coach."

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